Ayter Köse is a 2nd generation Dutch Turk. She was born in the Netherlands and grew up there. Marrying a Turk, she came back to live in the Netherlands, though her husband would have preferred staying in Turkey. Now, they are going back.
She feels Dutch and see the Netherlands as her home. It is the only place she really knows. But she doesn't feel the Netherlands accepts her.
“I’m not truly discriminated against. Naturally I’ve been cursed at, but I’m accustomed to that. It’s more the feeling that I’m not accepted as a full Dutch citizen.”
“Why should I still have to explain after 31 years what’s involved with the Ramadan? Why do people react with surprise when they hear me speaking Dutch or when they see me driving a car? Why was I denied an internship because I wear a veil?”
“I live here for 31 years, I’m Dutch. Why are there still all those questions, and why still that lack of comprehension? That feels strange. I see myself as Dutch, this is my land. A Pole that barely speaks Dutch is considered more Dutch than I.”
Ayter is in a very difficult situation. She was born in the Netherlands, but her entire existence is that of an immigrant. Europe, whether she would like to admit it or not, is Christian and the Ramadan is not part of the normal European experience. Jews have been living in Europe for hundreds of years, and yet do not expect that the general population will understand their customs and traditions.
She is studying for a teacher's license, and that's where she realized she is not at home. Her first meeting with the principal of the school where she was asking to intern went extremely well. The following day, though, she got a call.
“If I don’t take off my veil, I can’t come to intern. I was shocked and did not know what to say. I looked for another school, since I’m not a little kid anymore. I wear a veil consciously, as I’ve chosen when I was 15."
Another incident completely broke her:
“I was biking with my son through a street where a couple of teenagers were playing soccer. They shouted the usual things, such as “Holland – volland” (Holland is full). I would normally react… I didn’t want that my son would feel anything like discrimination. By not saying anything, I had come up short again.”
That same evenings Ayter announced that she wants to go to Turkey.
“I fully realize it’s not going to be easy there. It’s hard for me to leave, and I’d rather stay here. This is my land, but if in 31 years I can’t reach the stage where I’m considered fullly Dutch, then my kids will also not succeed in it.”
“I’m not demanding. I have just one goal, that my kids would be accepted as full citizens. I don’t want them to get the same feeling here that I did. That they don’t count. If it doesn’t succeed, we’ll come back. We all have Dutch passports.”
Ayter says she's not demanding, but she wants the impossible - she wants the Dutch to accept her as a Muslim, but as a full Dutch citizen as well. She wants to flaunt her religion (putting on a veil) and yet be accepted as any Christian (ie, a Pole). However, she is not willing to put the effort into it.
"I think that Dutch is my mother tongue. I catch myself, that I often think in Dutch."
She grew up in a Turkish speaking home, and yet feels annoyed when people are surprised she speaks Dutch.
Ayter stresses the language - she speaks Dutch - and her feeling of home - she knows no other country - but her family has come to live in a country with a different culture and different religious norms. As long as she insists on being different, as long as she insists on being a minority, which is her right, she can not insist on being "accepted" as part of the majority. Being 'accepted' as Dutch would not happen tomorrow, if ever.
She can just ask the Jews, who have much experience with being the outsiders. Or the French Algerians who were chased out of their homes after 3 and 4 generations of being born on Algerian soil. It simply takes more than 31 years to turn an immigrant from another culture into a native. The more that immigrant wants to uphold his own culture and identity, the longer it's going to take.
