Netherlands: My cousin raped me, what should I do?

The following question, asked by a girl whose cousin raped her, was answered by imam Bahaeddin Budak (Dutch) on the website of the Dutch Muslim Broadcaster (NIO), as part of their 'question of the week' feature. The answer is already causing quite a fuss.

Imam Budak teaches a course at the InHolland college in Amsterdam for teachers of Islam. The College feels that in his answer he laid most of the blame on the woman, and is therefore considering taking steps against him. The college distances itself from Budak's "unacceptable" statements and will conduct a "probing talk" with him.

Budak had asked the NIO to remove his article, though he still stands behind what he said. The broadcaster did not think that was an option, journalistically speaking, and therefore the imam had stopped his collaboration with them, the result being that all articles written by him had been removed from the site.

It is not simple to advise a girl who's stuck between rape and possible honor murder. In order to enable my readers to decide on their own, I bring here a translation of the question and answer, as posted on the marokko.nl forum (Dutch)


Question:

I'm a Turkish girl aged 17. I have a big problem and don't now what I should do with it. I've recently been raped by my cousin. I can't speak about it with anybody here and completely not with my family. They will repudiate me. What is the Muslim opinion about it?

Answer:

Dear sister,

What has happened to you is a very sad case. I understand that you can't tell this problem to your family. I don't know what's your relationship with your cousin and how it's gotten so that he dared rape you. I will try to answer your question from different angles.

Allah says in the Koran: And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fâhishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allâh forgives him). (Surat al-Isra 32)

The prophet Muhammed says: Anybody who believes in Allah and the last day may not be alone with a woman without a mahram, because otherwise Satan will be the third person.

With the above citations I want to say that we as men are asked to protect ourselves against sexual abuse, rape and vice. Caution is not only for unknown people but also for acquaintances, because a man, whether he's an acquaintance or not has his bad and good qualities. If the bad qualities of a person had developed much stronger than it doesn't make a difference whom he meets. You will do yourself good not to stay in a closed space with a man where a third can't easily come in.

In Islam it's clear that sex before nikah [ie, marriage] is not permissible. This is a big sin. If the person commits this yet in the form of rape it's only a greater sin by Allah. As long as you don't forgive him Allah will punish him for this in the hereafter.

You could do the following:

a) Given that we live in a country where rape is an offense, you could accuse him in court.

b) If you're afraid that your family will repudiate you for something for which you're not to blame maybe it's better not to tell this to your family. You should pay attention that your cousin doesn't again take advantage of this. The moment that he wants to do so I advise you to tell your problem to somebody so that your cousin fears for it. Certainly don't let yourself be abused and do not be afraid to speak with somebody that you trust about this problem.

c) You could forgive him and agree that this will not happen any more. That is naturally the hardest thing that you could do.

May Allah give you strength and wisdom.

Sources: Telegraaf, marokko.nl forum (Dutch)