Netherlands: My cousin raped me, what should I do?

The following question, asked by a girl whose cousin raped her, was answered by imam Bahaeddin Budak (Dutch) on the website of the Dutch Muslim Broadcaster (NIO), as part of their 'question of the week' feature. The answer is already causing quite a fuss.

Imam Budak teaches a course at the InHolland college in Amsterdam for teachers of Islam. The College feels that in his answer he laid most of the blame on the woman, and is therefore considering taking steps against him. The college distances itself from Budak's "unacceptable" statements and will conduct a "probing talk" with him.

Budak had asked the NIO to remove his article, though he still stands behind what he said. The broadcaster did not think that was an option, journalistically speaking, and therefore the imam had stopped his collaboration with them, the result being that all articles written by him had been removed from the site.

It is not simple to advise a girl who's stuck between rape and possible honor murder. In order to enable my readers to decide on their own, I bring here a translation of the question and answer, as posted on the forum (Dutch)


I'm a Turkish girl aged 17. I have a big problem and don't now what I should do with it. I've recently been raped by my cousin. I can't speak about it with anybody here and completely not with my family. They will repudiate me. What is the Muslim opinion about it?


Dear sister,

What has happened to you is a very sad case. I understand that you can't tell this problem to your family. I don't know what's your relationship with your cousin and how it's gotten so that he dared rape you. I will try to answer your question from different angles.

Allah says in the Koran: And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fâhishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allâh forgives him). (Surat al-Isra 32)

The prophet Muhammed says: Anybody who believes in Allah and the last day may not be alone with a woman without a mahram, because otherwise Satan will be the third person.

With the above citations I want to say that we as men are asked to protect ourselves against sexual abuse, rape and vice. Caution is not only for unknown people but also for acquaintances, because a man, whether he's an acquaintance or not has his bad and good qualities. If the bad qualities of a person had developed much stronger than it doesn't make a difference whom he meets. You will do yourself good not to stay in a closed space with a man where a third can't easily come in.

In Islam it's clear that sex before nikah [ie, marriage] is not permissible. This is a big sin. If the person commits this yet in the form of rape it's only a greater sin by Allah. As long as you don't forgive him Allah will punish him for this in the hereafter.

You could do the following:

a) Given that we live in a country where rape is an offense, you could accuse him in court.

b) If you're afraid that your family will repudiate you for something for which you're not to blame maybe it's better not to tell this to your family. You should pay attention that your cousin doesn't again take advantage of this. The moment that he wants to do so I advise you to tell your problem to somebody so that your cousin fears for it. Certainly don't let yourself be abused and do not be afraid to speak with somebody that you trust about this problem.

c) You could forgive him and agree that this will not happen any more. That is naturally the hardest thing that you could do.

May Allah give you strength and wisdom.

Sources: Telegraaf, forum (Dutch)


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VinceP1974 said...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think the choices the guy laid out were actually reasonable.

True they weren't some ideal-world list of things.. they were very pragmatic and I'm glad he put going to court as number 1.

Having said that.. what a barbaric culture that a woman cannot even seek assistance from her family after being brutally raped.

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Anonymous said...

You guys below are sick if you even remotely agree with this imam buffon. How in the hell can you "think" like that? What if the girl gets pregnant? What if she catches some STD? Is that her fault? Listen to me very carefully, it is NEVER right to condon violent and barbaric behaviour like this. Simply being alone with the oppostie sex is reason or somehow legitmatizes rape, from anyone let alone a family member.

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Anonymous said...

He blamed he girl, indirectly. In the islamic culture, it is always the woman's fault. the men are NEVER taught self control, period. All the blame rests on the woman. If this woman lives in a country that doens't condone this (and not an islamic one) she needs to go to the authorities and lodge a complaint and NEVER return home. She does that, her live will be forfiet, again, her cousin will not be blamed by her family, but her. And she will be the one to be killed for having sex outside of marriage (even if it's rape), for the honor of the family. Again, lodge a complaint to the authorities and NEVER return home for any reason. This would be her only chance of escaping.

PM said...

ITs like women has no existance, or identity ....

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Anonymous said...

Forgive him and agree it won't happen again? How on Earth can you reason with rapists that way? You tell your rapist "Look, what you did was wrong and it hurt me so would you please promise you won't do it again"? Does the imam believe that it was a slip, that maybe he did it accidentally and he can promise he'll be careful not to let it happen next time? Or maybe that he didn't know he was doing something wrong, but now he knows and so he won't do it again?

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Anonymous said...

All muslim men are animals. The cult of islam says that muslim men are the boss. Women are chattle. It is amazing how the West keeps calling islam the religion of peace. Sure. All women are in danger of rape by these barbarians. Read koran become animal.

Unknown said...

wow! Just wow!

You guys are all crazy, just report the guy to the police! Seriously, I'm jewish and now reading how you guys react when a girl gets rapped just sickens me.

I've seen a lot of Muslim girls, and they are so peaceful...

So what, if I see a Muslim girl sitting at home alone minding her own buiseness with her window open because its a hot day outside, I can just come through the window, rape the living hell out of her, leave, and its going to be all her fault? Freaking great!
What a good example your book shows to other nations, that even a rape is allowed by a man cause he can't controll himself and the woman should take the blame for him, it is sad.

Next time I'll keep that in mind.

You guys are just crazy, the poor girl is lost and seeking for help and she gets all this garbage from you guys.

This is sad.

Best regards,
your friendly neighberhood Jew.

Hanz said...

I think you are ignoring what the guys said above.

1st, the Imam is, absolutely, not blaming the girl. the guys clarified that above.

2nd, this guy must be reported to the court, and the girls family should support her.

3rd, what the Imam quoted from Quran and Hadeeth, are some CAUTIONS that muslim should pay attention to it, to prevent them from making sins. However, what is happened is not only sin, it is a CRIME.

4th, Being raped because a muslim girl opening a window, doe snot mean that she dismissed the Islamic instructions and cautions. it is like you are sleeping in a house and some murderer tried to hijack it. However, if I am a muslim girl and invited my cousin (for ex, or he came unexpectedly) and I did not pay attention to cautions, that means I am making a sin, BUT DOE NOT MEAN AT ALL that she should blamed if he rapped her. She (and he as well) should be blamed for not BEING CAUTIOUS (whatever he rapped her or not)... there is a big difference.

So, we dunno what happened between them before this happened.

1- if the girl was cautious and he did that, she is not blamed at all.

2- if the girl was not cautious, and they made a relation (without rape), then both of them had made a sin, and the best thing to do is to seek forgiveness from God and give up that completely. They should keep that secret because God is already kept that secret for you and may he forgive them for that if they will never come back to it. A higher-faith ppl may report that (by themselves) to the law (if sharia is their) and let the law punish them for that... this for them to made their best to be away from the sin they have did (and other reasons) This is how Islam told us to deal with it. The most compassion thing I see in that is that God may forgive us even if we kept that secret and never come back to it.

3- if the girl was not cautious, and she got rapped, then she made a sin, however the guy made a sin AND a crime....he should be punished and the girl should not be punished (but blamed for not being cautious).

guys, if you want to analyze something you should take yourself away from any box you are in. and look to the things fairly.

being reporting yourself as made a sin, the sharia law is very faire and it looks to the context of the sin (but the crime is a crime), and the court may not punish you if they saw that you are really under pressure or so (ex: in stealing).

I beleive in Islam as I learnt it from Quran and correct Hadith, not from internet and newspapers.